Mummy Update

Our First Night Out Without Zachary

WE DID IT! And survived to tell the tale.

We’ve been out.. Without Zachary for the first time since he was born.

Somehow we’ve managed to pluck up the courage to leave Zac with our parents for a few hours on two occasions now!

Once at the end of march for my 21st to go out for a meal, and the second at the beginning of this month to see Russell Howard in Sheffield.

And both nights went pretty well!

I must admit I had (and still have) huge anxiety about leaving him for a few hours. Some about the separation but mostly around feeding, as I’m still exclusively breastfeeding him. The main issue is he will not take a bottle. And I’ve tried a good few! He just pulls a face and gags on the teats. He will scream and get himself in a state every time I’ve tried him with a bottle to ready him for us going out and we’ve ended up going back to the breast to calm him as he won’t feed otherwise. It worries me more than anything, as I don’t want him to starve or get dehydrated whilst I’m away. And that thought weighs on me a lot. A lot, A LOT. I also worry that he’ll get himself in more of a state because he can’t be comforted by me or Mat whilst we’re mot there.

There’s a lot of things I worry about.. If you haven’t noticed already.

But it is so hard leaving them for the first time! I’ve only ever left him for a maximum of about 40 minutes, and he was with mat or m parents whilst I popped to the sunbed or to tesco. And leaving him just to do those things is enough for me, and it took me quite a while to work up to leaving him just for that. So a few hours was a HUGE deal for both of us.

Both nights I pumped fresh milk to leave him and nursed him right up until we left so he was full when we went out.

As I suspected, he didn’t take the teat. On both nights he had to be cup fed, so at least had a little bit. Thankfully both set of parents on both nights managed to rock him to sleep after he took an ounce or so from the little cups – which made me feel both relieved and guilty.

Relieved that he had gone back to sleep without working himself up too much, meaning that the feeding wasn’t too much of an issue.

And guilty that he had to be rocked back to sleep to avoid him getting too worked up. I felt a little bit like I’d been a little selfish going out, meaning that he hadn’t got the usual amount of milk he would have done from me.

As soon as I got home I nursed him, and i instantly felt better about leaving him. Because even though on both occasions he was asleep when we got home, He happily dream fed and snuggled straight into me.

Other than the feeding issue, he was really good for both sets of parents – which is a relief as I didn’t know how he would be without me and Mat. For the most part of both nights he just slept until we got home, which is a god sent as he doesn’t usually even nap at those times when hes with me and Mat.

Safe to say that we both missed him SO much. Even though we were only out for a maximum of five hours, it felt like an eternity. We were so giddy in the car on the way home to see him.

Both nights we’re lovely. It was so nice to have a little bit of time for just the two of us.

Admittedly, being the worry mummy I am, I ended up checking my phone a little more than I should have while we were out, just to make sure we hadn’t got any texts to come home. But everything was fine, and I even managed not to text our parents asking if he was okay every five minutes. (A win for mummy)

I think now we have took the plunge in leaving him for a few hours whilst we enjoy some us time, it’s definitely something that we need to do every so often, just to treat ourselves. I don’t want us to lose the ability to enjoy little things because I feel guilty for leaving him. Once in a while is fine, and now we’ve done it I think it will get easier for us. ( I hope anyway)

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